sheesh am like grooving to -baby got back- hahaha.. its really funny.. plus it reminds me of FRIENDS..

kaoz today dunno why so many teachers ask me for my grades.. its esp scary when mr lim suddenly appeared and practically demanded my grades and then he suddenly disappeared again.. sheesh

ooh skl was pretty ok today.. did lots of talking.. :) i love it! did so much with Azi that i lost track of time and got 4 missed calls from my dad.. he cudnt even see me when he tried to scan the canteen.. oh wellllsss.. played floorball.. intended to play so much i get dehydrated. but it didnt happen.. i think the last time that happened was sec 3 after x-country training.. then end up at home for the rest of the day sleeping.. ooh well they must think im a really rough girl.. wateva mann.. it felt good to bang into pple.. esp big meaty pple haha (ok when they dont sweat) or pple u dun like.. yes floorball is really good for getting revenge.. mwahhaha ;) ain n sya will know well enough what i mean.... mwahhahahahha.. oh yea stupid renji whacked the ball straight into me.. i seem to get hit by quite a no. of balls today..

ooh yea i found harry lim and mr shah on friendster.. so hip mannn! hahaha oooh mr shah is reallly adorable.. hahaha.. ok now pple might think i crush mr shah.. BUT he realllllllllllllly is soooooooo adorable.. hahaha.. u know like boiboi cute!! how appropriate that he put his baby foto.. :D well its obviously a different kind of cuteness ;)

today must rank one of the first few in super stoning..
too bad didnt take any fotos..
and i completely adore sya's cat.. ahhhh!! its a lap cat.. the kind which i dont have!! haha.. tt trying-to-be-brave cat of mine nearly got into another fight just now.. had to quickly open the door and chase out the other cat.. yups but i still think novi is very pretty.. hehheh

spent lots of time in the train today.. and my new earphones arent as loud as my old ones.. or mebbe my ears have grown accustomed.. it doesnt feel the same blasting LIFEHOUSE anymore.. but they are a nice shade of blue..

ooh and we have a hari raya plan.. i hope it also consists of pple coming to my house beforehand to make kuih.. i certainly need help considering got job shadowing like on 17th onwards.. cant believe i have to go all the wya to Tuas when the bloody factory used to be like 10mins away from my house.. bleah.. and before u get any ideas of me like job shadowing some odd job.. its marketing at F&N coca cola.. :) hope its funner than the sec 3 one

aiyai.. i think i shud go change now.. shud be guai and go sembahyang at uncle's house.. hopefully i dont fall asleep there..

hmm not everyone loves everyone..
so im TRYING to not get so frustrated over pple i dont like nowadays.. in view of ramadhan.. *breathe in.. breathe out* heh plus it took me some effort to not join in mengumpat-ing just now..

i have a glimmer of hope.. :) mr kan says abt 3/4 of the skl takes S paper .. well i dont necessarily fall into tt category.. but its a wee bit of hope.. hehe.. always wanted to try to get out of SG... but the idea had always been far fetched for me.. esp a scholarship.. it would be a dream to achieve it.. :) just for the heck of living abroad.. tasting life alone in a foreign country.. but i guess i shud be thankful.. when i was like what 10 yrs old? was already propagandadised abt getting to U.. gettin good grades.. etc.. and which each step i actually barely scraped thru to achieve it.. its been great..

at the same time tiring.. dont want to slog all my life.. was in the LT with halima and she looked so shagged.. but yea everyone seemed pretty tired today.. kinda odd.. looks like im never getting to skl by public transport.. i was so tired today i actualyl slept all the way to henry park.. ay.. i need a rest.. :D

ho hums..

be strong

tts all i can say..
ok now im really thankful tt i got pretty ok marks.. i know i whined so much today (sorry guys) abt not doing better and stuff.. soryy.. i never knew promotion wud be so hard.. i just thot it wud be like sec1-4 kinda exams.. seirously proven wrong
why must we continue to study so soon? my mind is not in the right frame.. the only reason i cud absorb reeve's lecture was cos we sorta knew it beforehand.. im just gonna waste these last few weeks away..

anyway.. watched 'inside mecca' just now.. insightful.. and its like a really brief summary of haji.. which is really good for me.. someone whisk me away to the beauty of it.. and i told my mom that we should all learn arab.. and so when we all come together we can all start speaking ina rab.. how cool is tt right? and it really pains my ear to hear mispronounciations..

im striving to lose weighttt!!

so if u see me indulging.. pls stop me.. waiiiiiiiitt a minute.. hardly anyone will see me binging considering its ramadhan.. haha.. ok tts stupid.. hmm ok check on me when im online.. :D ay stupid choc ice cream in the freezer is really tempting me.. i cant wait to have fun.. :) i mean like just get into the swing of things again.. i dont even mind exercising lots! while not being able to drink even!

ladida.. ljungberg has a really bad beard now.. how awful.. nvm still cute all the same.. :D

hmsm results are coming out!! scary.. but at least the whole drill will be over.. for one more year.. always the same feelings.. scared.. hopeful.. sometimes sad.. its hard to comfort someone.. and its hard to be comforted when u dun reach yr goal.. how many times have i myself felt tt way.. too many i think for a span of 17 yrs.. the feeling of crumbling or just hiding in some corner .. weeping feeling inferior and out of sorts.. geesh the feeling is so familiar since like pri skl.. !! and i guess normally im the only person who sets standards for myself.. but i know i cant accept failure.. im scared that i wont be able to pick myself up after tt.. and no matter who is there to comfort me.. to otell me its gonna be alright.. deep inside pessimism fills and takes root.. its going to be tough and sad.. cos tomorrow will determine my attitude for some time in the future.. either im gonna crumble and shrivel away.. or stay optimistic abt life.. theres no use saying ill be brave.. cos inside.. it burns..

im not the kind who can say something to make everything ok.. and as a matter of fact.. theres nothing u can say.. so when im down.. just hold me.. or let me leave.. leave me alone.. and if you are down.. ill do the same.. i cant say.. oh this doesnt matter.. because inside it matters to me.. even tho its a stupid evaluation of how supposedly smart you are and if you get promoted or not.. its so scary.. i hope everything turns out fine.. for everyone..

dont want to shrivel..
dont want to hide
dont want to have to comfort
we can all do it..
we must overcome this..

i wish for many things..
probably the same wishes like everyone else..
and i wished we cud all get all our wishes.. but still learn the value of it..
i dont want to appreciate sth only when we learn from suffering..
why cant we just avoid the suffering..
and why cant we get what we want?

i guess all i can ask for now.. is to be happy..
and to find my way to the right path..
dont whisper lies.. dont stray me away..

today was pretty fun.. travelled the whole singapore tho..
morning watched intolerable cruelty with sharon..
then hung out until her mom came and then sat ard with joon to past some time.. :) tt was pretty nice.. saw loads of pple
and as i was gonna give up on waiting for deedeeee to wake up from her slumber decided to go home.. or at least to woodlands to find sth.. then got dragged to jurong for dinner.. and clementi to play pool.. wth right!? but hanging out with dee n fang were fun.. :) its great tt even tho we arent always close we still meet up and do stuff.. yups like tt time open house even tho we all not in track anymore we still sat down together at teh steps and watched the stuffs together..

hmms had a nice chat with pple tonight.. wonderful to have friends.. im happy to be of help.. and tt pple are there to help me.. i love getting 'i love yous' and hugs.. tankewww..

i really do cherish anyone who can make me smile.. esp on a horrid day.. cherish a hug.. hmms.. my new motto seems to be taking effect pretty well.. hope it lasts.. dont want to slink back into depression again.. ahh and i won pool.. im deadd.. we kept saying.. cripes shud commit suicide (as in kill yrself in pool) according to jiahan's theory.. i really want to do well for promos.. if what huifang says is right.. ill be very relieved.. i think..

well at least fulham thrashed man u 3-1.. alright mannnn! :D

why

are those your eyes
is that your smile
ive been looking at you forever but i never saw you before
are these yourhands holding mine
now i wonder how i could have been so blind
for the first time
i am looking in your eyes
for the first time I see who you are
Can't believe how much I see when you're looking back at me
Now i understand what love is love is for the first time

can this be real
can this be true
am i the person i was this morning and are you the same
its so strange
All along this love was right in front of me


sweetness fills me.. surrounds me..
thank you

n thank you for bringing back so many laughs.. so many smiles..

kucuba untuk jadi yang terbaik namun ada dia yang lebih kau cinta untuk memenangi walaupun kutahu kecewa akhirnya mengapa tak dapat aku memadamkan kenangan manis bersamamu bahagia yang aku harap-harapkan tak ingin aku rasa dipertandingkan sehingga diri diperbandingkan untuk selamanya ketika cinta ini masih lagi bertahta selagi jiwa ini masih jua ingin dipuja katakanlah padaku dimana kekurangannya untuk kita bahagia berdua sahaja bisakah aku jadi yang terbaik kerana ada dia yang lebih kau cinta

comfort food

i love binging.. meaning ill prob never be anorexic.. just bulimic.. :) hehe.. yaright ili.. yupyup.. bought like icecream n potato chips.. realise i get sick of chocolate really fast.. stupid buses have to leave me just before i reach the busstop so refusing to wait for the next one.. just walked home.. which obviously made the ice cream melt.. heez.. so tired summore.. like i didnt need enough walking.. was nodding off to sleep already in the train.. but still dropped off at woodlands to check out stuff.. supposed to be thinking of mummy's bday prez now.. but im too sian lah.. i need time to make it.. oh yea and today ive realised i have reallllllllllllllly awful speaking skills. yupyup

bleargh.. i want mahjong n pool n soccer.. !!!!!!!! screw screw screw..

dammit

ah.. just saw mycute pri skl classmate who has grownultra cute over the years.. ok fine he looks the same just grown a wee bit taller but this is only the 2nd time ive seen him since pri skl.. i only realised like at the sembawang mrt platform.. like eh.. then down the escalator was like muttering to myself.. 'whatthehellisyrname' n 'donturememberme??' n 'turnard dammit!!' n muttering differnet combinations of names hoping tt he wud turn back at the right one!!.. wahhaha.. how stupid is tt.. yups.. the first time i saw him was like 2 3 years ago!? ac uni.. got taken by surprise.. he got off at the busstop before mine.. which is precisely where he stays! wich confirmed my guess tt it was him.. and todays the 2nd time.. wth.. in sajc now.. ahh how cool in his uni n tie.. grr.. tempted to go to the busstop with him and mutter summore names or get the courage to say hi.. but decided to stick with the original plan of getting a vcd.. got 'how to lose a guy in 10 days' just need some stupid romantic comedy! esp since i missed monday night tv going out with qianru n mayi.. mumble grumble.. oh yea n last night met my pri skl track junior too. she has grown so chio.. :) ok fine she looks the same too but yea very adorable in her peenk shirt.. n hair.. haha.. it seems like only i have grown chubbier.. my my.. how awful.. nvm persevere to keep the flab off.. n yea at least she still recognises me.. she must have noticed me playing snake in the bus first cos she didnt seem surprised to see me.. yups.. :D love bumping into old pals.. :)

today was so hmm tiring somehow.. and i kept losing at cards.. im so sad!! but i hope what jiahan says come true.. ;) then spent the time making goody bags making my hands all icky with waxy string.. which btw isnt too goody.. n yea tripped over stairs from the hall cos was in a daze.. heeezz! i just felt like dying on the spot... with ain's foto as proof.. cudnt stand it n just lied down in the surau..

ohh yea.. im dying to say tt OM shud be the rightful owner of all the awards given to HL guy.. :p .. OM is a million times more adorable than HL guy.. HL guy is gemuk for gdness sakes.. there is some trace of tt disgusting hair/snob guy in him! but of course I AM NOT seducing like some pple cos fidodido is a million times more amusing.. -grin- ah.. sigh fido dido or at least flickflack shud be his rightful name.. lalalla..

couch.. here i come.. :)

'the notebook'

the first book i cried reading..

no drowning man can know which drop of water his last breath did stop...

dusk.. is just an illusion, because the sun is either above the horizon or below it. and that means that day and night are linked in a way that few things are; there cannot be one without the other, yet they cannot exist at the same time. How would it feel... to be always together, yet forever apart?

Silence is holy. It draws people together because only those who are comfortable with each other can sit without speaking. This is the great paradox.

weak

my stamina is at its trough.. yeps.. all i did was walk to ac and back n my legs were aching like shit.. !! oh n walked damn alot today! shoe shopping can be really fun.. :D tho i realise im damn to infinity fickle.. guess tts why i need a 2nd opinion before i buy sth.. ay! lunch was coffee n cherry.. at forum coffee bean after checking out toys R us.. hehe.. oh when i left tt place.. there was some guys who gve out this leaflet for some play.. was wondering if it was some kiddy play considering they were giving it at the escalator right outside toys R us.. just gave it a glance.. and hoho where issit held at.. ulu pandan cc.. ghim moh.. didnt know ulu pandan cc so happening.. heh.. yea was so tired from walking tt little i just decided to read my book.. yay!! i finalyl bought 'the notebook' to replace the one i lost like 5 years ago.. im only at page 100 now.. plus i borrowed 2 books on teens.. like bulimia.. and stuff.. i love nicholas sparks.. one day ill get ALL his books.. :D and ill buy ALL the 'friends' vcds.. AND 'my best frens' wedding' vcd AND 'the powerofone vcd' -beams- yupyup.. reading there was fun.. and i actually finished my coffee.. a feat considering i can ONLY drink kids size normally.. n the cherry tasted good.. even tho i tend to hate cherries.. odd.. my taste must be changing.. yupyup.. wandered ard myselfl till like 5+++++++ when ifinally met dee.. :D which was really nice.. oh yea.. met aziana.. n saw eugene.. n RIGHT after i saw eugene.. i saw the hc class shirt.. but the back was printed sth like SINGAPORE TEAM.. yups.. and i got a nice free scented piece of paper.. ahhaa.. call me cheapo but i love taking those stuff.. and this one smelt especially fresh and citrus-y ... really nice to me.. which is off cos i have an hmm obtuse.. sense of smell.. i REALLY cannot smell for nuts.. haha.. tts why i keep mixing up chlorine with sulphur dioxide in chem prac.. well unless of cos the thing burnt my nose.. (which it did TWICE) then i know its so2.. hehe..

yupyup.. had a reallyl nice talk with dee.. :D we were just so tired we were so happy to find BK.. and just plopped there from hmm 530 to 730? her cousin was there.. which was pretty funny.. hehehe.. and we got pretty hyped at the accessories shop.. hrmph.. propose to me with a tacky ice cube ring.. wth! haha hmms odd i dun think i did much whining to her.. very odd.. normally i wud pouring out all the horrible stuff.. but hmm feeling those kinda neutral things.. like things suck.. u know life always sucks.. but ure fine.. but nothings great either kinda moods.. well yea.. am there now.. n yes allmy stupid 'iwillneverthinkabtttstuffagain' promises are all bullshit! ofcos they can last for a while cos the list is empty but heez after some time.. yea.. but.. just dun want to put myself out there anymore.. told u right ain.. just dont want to bother pple anymore.. oh yea.. was at MPH reading horoscopes/palmology or whatever.. and yes i cant have kids.. :( bah.. i know ive been complaining tt kids are so horrible.. and noisy n i dun exactly go well with them considering they always cry when i attempt to play with them.. but i still want kids!! 3 wud be great! 2 older boys who wiill definitely must or diedie have good motor skills AND hopefully interested in guitars n drums.. haha and one youngest little girl.. who will have 2 great older brothers to take care of her.. ahhh.. a dream tt has a less than slim chance of happening.. considering i think im gonna die young.. :D well my life line is short... i think.. yeaps reminds me of the malay paper tt made me go 'wth!!!' quite a few times.. ;) ahh.. bio sucked as expected but i really damn hope to pass all my subjects.. i really have to.. :( scared.. -freak- sigh.. nononononono.. no thinking of tt..

hmm talking to qianru last night made me think.. ok it sounded like lifes not worth living dadada.. n at times it does make sense.. i mean the only way u can tell me tt it IS worth living is if u either telllme the politically correct stuff.. u know general sayings etcetc tt attempt to teach u what life's all abt.. which is full or ironies and utter bullshit i think.. OR.. u knock some sense into me with religion.. which id love for somebody who i can relate to who has a great knowledge in Islam to teach me.. i wud really appreciate it.. i mean yea sometimes mum tries to tell me stuff.. and then there are the visits to rumah tok ngah.. but i dun like tt kinda stuff.. i FALL ASLEEP there.. which sucks.. i mean i really do want to get to know it better but i just need somebody perhaps my age to teach me stuffs tt matter to me first.. as in not go on abt the rituals and stuff.. but show me whats so special abt life.. whats my existence.. yups.. i guess once i get tt.. id really catch on with the other stuff..

i think novi needs a fren.. she just licked a soft toy cat.. and is sleeping on it.. or rather using it as her pillow.. its how adorable.. tho after leaving scraps of fishball on my chair!! :) cripes.. now kak liyana is hogging the book.. n im too sleepy to do pw now.. hmsm ill fit it in between studying for 20 mcqs tom haha..

i dont know why ive plunged into the dense gloom of depression..

promos are over for god sakes.. (well 20 mcqs away)

im feeling lost

'justshootme'rocks

actually yest episodes was really darn good.. and its only the 2nd season.. :) ay why cant elliot and maya get together?!?! they are so cute togetherr! but i checked out the episode summaries until like season 7.. they do get together.. but they break up.. wth!?!!? season 4 is the best.. haha.. i hope star world screens everything.. im dying to watch.. hrmph channel 5 hardly show any interesting comedies anymore.. n channel i only has like that 70s show.. except i watched tt season already.. star world rocks.. id die w/o it.. hmms there was one time there was a string of really good shows.. i liked tt christina applegate comedy.. n another veronica's closet or sth.. one of the guys was so cute.. but dumb.. it was hilarious.. yeaps they better not stop showing good shows esp when promos end..

hah.. i did like 10chaps in 4 hours.. with many mini breaks in between .. having a super long break now :) feeling satisfied.. but still a tonne of work left.. tomorrows the longest day.. how shitty.. id prob be too tired to do anything after tt.. bahhhhh.. *mumble grumble*

heys.. just shout out a date tt ure gonna celebrate both their bdays.. ill come if i can.. tho can we NOT have it in hc.. jelita bus stop is HOW FAR.. heh 1 more day!!!!!!!! :D

headache

kaoz 3 hrs for maths is way too long.. yet still not enough to complete heh ironical.. im sorta giving up for bio already.. i hope i have been consistent over the year and rem stuff.. im sure i do.. so ya ill just do some passive reading.. n perhaps some respiration/photosyn/transport muggin since its definitely gonna come out.. stupid headache.. maths was actually quite fun tho im pretty sure there are a million careless mistakes as usual.. dun care lor..

1 more measely day ... ahh.. then i can go ac open house.. hheheeh.. im definitely coming dee .. ain wants to go too haha..

ahh.. down to my last toblerone bite... hmm mebbe choc does help im feeling better.. only at water.. WAN LE.. hah.. lalallaalallaaaa.. this is seriously making me delirious.. hmms looking forward.. :) lalala.. the thot of it ending soon making me super happy.. mebbe i shud pull out of open house stuff.. too lazy to get involved..

mebbe i shud progress from water now.. prob back in a few hrs..

had a wonderful after test day.. :D

i decided to take the long route home.. listened to the cd.. walked home from the mrt.. just think.. look back.. reflect .. i tend to have these walks once every exam period.. calm my nerves.. i love 'em.. alone or with pple u love.. :) but preferably alone.. as i stared at the route i take.. it made me smile thinking from all the good memories i had.. all the great stuff in my neighbourhood.. i really love this place even tho its sorta in the middle of nowhere.. i can walk out on like plain flat ground without flats in my view.. with the huge field beside me and the sky above .. the fields are always wet which kinda reminds me of padi fields.. which makes it even better cos i feel like im in another country.. its especially perfect with the right background music.. THIS is serenity.. my place for myself.. besides it means exercising a bit.. haha..

yeaps then watched oprah while eating lunch which was cool cos they were showing all the designing stuff.. rob lowes house is so pretty.. :D they have a yard tt is as big as a field and they actually have the traditional oven thingy where they bake their pizzas.. how cool is tt? and her designer was really cute! haha..

attempted to do maths.. which didnt make me too upset .. cos i refused to touch all the hard questions.. just brush up on basics n hope for the best.. but felt so sleepy so i simply went to bed.. tt was like what 230pm? woke up 2 hrs later.. feeling oh so refreshed n continued with maths.. n mummy bought wanton noodles tt i wanted yest.. so tt made my day too.. :D *yay* too bad i wont be able to slack so much tomorrow.. bloody bio.. sigh... lets just get this over with already.. so i can be a much happier person!

4down8left

needed a break before i continued with my fruitless attempt at chem.. i hate the in between studying parts.. i dun hate the doing part so much as the im going to go crazy studying part.. i get super bored.. n super irritated with reading the bloody thing so many times.. well in the case of bio having too little time to read it.. oh yes and i hate afternoon papers.. the mornings make u go absolutely nuts wondering if u have remembered everything but what if u just blank out there.. kaoz i seriously blanked out just now.. i was like whats P? price.. whats price equal to? well well.. tts over thank god.. i actualyl cud wake up this morning.. so did more econs.. got sick of it so decided to sleep for another hour.. then i woke up to the end of my cd.. and decided to go watch half of a vcd.. :D 'soalnya siapa' the 1st half cracks me up.. afdlin is so adorable.. heehee.. ever had a dream abt him.. being as cute as ever.. heez.. reminds me of last yr prelims.. i watched the thomas crown affair before studying for some paper..

im getting sleepier by the minute.. shud practise summore but id prob fall asleep on my desk.. wish me luck!.. horrible lousiest subject..

oh yea.. to all of u who ahve finished exams.. congrats! and HAVE FUN.. :D AND... BLEARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH

econs is starting to be a pain in the neck.. n arm.. n head..

2 wajah ends

very into malay shows lately tho the ending of dua wajah was very disappointing.. hmms tho very good opportunity to insult lynn nasir tho.. :D im sorry ain sya for doing this again.. but i just have to insult her.. i dun understand why she keeps doing roles tt make fun of her of being a slut! there was a line where maudy said to her 'oh so is the guy simply just a "blanket" (sex toy) to you?' hah! *shakes head* she ALWAYS has roles tt make fun of her.. its hilarious.. and really appropriate.. yet i still dun get why she wants to do the role.. my theory is of coz tt she FEELS the guilt so she is PERFECT for the role considering its her life story.. a petty excuse to get roles in bigger productions.. bleah.. she is like the reason i hate watching bigger productions.. but nvm theres gonna be another azmil/OG ahmad daud show which promises to be a sobfest.. :D ahh.. a good way to end the week.. :) hmms i dun think i can meet u qianru.. my paper ends at like 5.. looks like we have to postpone our celebration a little while longer.. sorry..

good luck peeps.. :D

aahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
do u know how frustrating it is to do the bloody maths paper and like get more than half wrong? or dunno where to start!? i feel like screaming!! bleah..

but just as i was letting off steam.. honny came smsing.. saying she was parking near my house.. 2nd time someone did tt..

freakk

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.. ok i sorta finished studying chem.. but tts like my worst subject so as much as im gonna study not much help.. bleagh.. im so scared.. i just got like a mini fit.. from freaking out.. kaoz.. ive never been this scared before.. ok mebbe once or twice right after prelims..

imscaredimscaredimscared!!!!!!!!!!!!!

why am i so scared!???????????

oh yes.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY KENNY.. no use you staying up to watch teh match.. goalless draw.. what a pity.. tho i decided to like sleep 30mins before the game started cos no one else was awake to help pull the bed in front of the tv..

promos are such a pain...

mebbe ill go cycling to calm down.. but its wet.. bleahhh.. stupid weather im getting all cranky n upset.. n freaking out.. somebody help me.. somehow when someone smsed me outta boredom today i seemed to get more work done.. now.. im stoning again.. stoppit ili..

i want to go out!! i want this to be over.. why must they just suck out the life from me.. !! i still have stupid standardized tests after econs mcq.. like wth..

wanttogetouttahere!!

woohooihavegdtaste!haha

hey he's mine! -glares- hahhahaa.. ok.. acting really stupid here..

decided to sleep really early yest cos i wanted to let my mind wander again.. n thot i wud do work this morn.. but still feeling... lets just say tired from writing too many things yest.. cant believe my stupidity.. n i panicked really bad like my heart was gonna jump out really soon.. i took like 5 mins to try n compose myself before i cud focus on redoing the bloody summary.. not to mention i still had an application question to do.. why are they out to kill us!? heh i guess THATS precisely the reason why the minimum for getting promoted is low.. cos the papers are KILLERS.. n there i thot i cud breeze thru econs drq.. (YEA RIGHT) but shud stop complaining so much.. poor dee a victim of my neverending complains.. when u had 5 times more essays to write than i did.. but just realised that i have to work so hard nowadays.. i thot sec skl was hard.. but i cud still live with slacking around until like sec 4.. but now.. its bleaaaaagh.. heh remembered a diary entry last year about not wanting to work hard.. cos if i do it means i hve to maintain tt standard for the rest of my life.. which will be completely burn out.. so.. yea just do to your standards! no stress :) tho i dun want to get retained..

btw.. thnx for all the support guys its gd to have friends who are there.. :D

the nearer it gets.. the more blogging i do.. ---ddddeeeessstttreeeeeesssss---cant believe AC finished promos and ours havent even started.. Im dying for it to end already!

i love reminiscising .. when i was in pri skl i would imagine so much.. id prefer being alone.. (shoots wanting to be alone is a sign of scizo according to a malay summary i read) Id just have random thoughts.. random imaginations.. of practically everything.. from success.. to finding him.. to dying.. I decided to take a break from econs just now and simply let my mind do tt just now.. felt great.. :) and it can simply last forever..

hmm post exams schedule will HAVE TO include: 1) cycling around bedok with dee.. 2) celebrating pple's bdays.. 3) lots of stoning sessioNs! esp at the beach... :D 4) lots of exercise too.. hmmmm if possible 5) mahjongg/cards sessions... ive gone all rusty already.. and if any 71 pple reading this.. i want to visit kenny's house agaiN! i miss those get-togethers.. so incredibly much.. i loved the mahjong.. i loved the stoning.. i LOVED the make-shift pool table and carom.. i LOVED playing football with the guys n xingni and laughing my head off.. ahhhhhhh.. hehe n seeing zz getting beaten up.. *oops* -sigh- shoots.. time to go..

disgrace

just read the newspaper and the whole report on the Muslim/Islam community its an utter disgrace! its things like this tt make me boil and how pathetic we are.. how sad i am that i cant do anything to help.. or that i hardly knew the extent of the matter.. i guess i have been living in a pretty sheltered life.. but i thought i had at least some exposure during pri skl a normal typical neighbourhood not those posh kinds.. which i must say my cousin is so ironical.. quote 'oh i dont want to send my children to those high-class pri skls... aiya i think neighbourhood one enough ah' so i asked.. so where are they going? the girl is in IJ.. and the boy is going into henry park.. .. dot dot dot
but apparently my pri skl was quite a saint.. i was so proud of my cohort.. tt all my classmates in malay class qualified for express streams.. and im pretty sure most of them are in poly now.. its comforting.. but when u hear all the statistics abt stupid minahs n mats having premarital sex.. with the no. of aborted babies and no. of divorce cases due to early marriages on the rise.. wakaoz.. its so embarassing!!!! and then they go to the statistics that only what 4% of the malays enter Uni.. and how half are in normal stream n half are dropouts!.. at the beginning i was just thinking tt oh mebbe its just the proportion of malays.. so u cant compare to national level.. but oh COME ON.. we can like top all the nonsense statistics and we cant do anything good!? bleahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.. screwwwwww..

i just find this whole matter sad.. Why is it like this? Why has the mindset always been abt play.. or short term benefits.. we have ENOUGH mak neneks n minahs.. but why cant we have at least some kind of QUALITY?

to me its a motivation.. but when i fail.. i feel the whole world crumbling down on me.. that i failed to make a difference too.. to prove some wrong.. n im afraid that i cant pick myself up after tt..

crawl back into my shell

im not immuned to chemicals!!.. YET.. heh if u get my drift..
but all i wanna do is crawl back in.. to somewhere safe.. never to show.. never to be hurt.. never to care.. no use thinking...
n.u.m.b. as linkin park wud say it..

sometimes.. do u ever seem to get signs?? ok sounds so movie-ish and blah.. issit just exageration? hallucination? are signs real? when?

omg! ain.. myscene.com fashion thingy is sooooo cool.. i have been looking all over for this kinda stuff ever since i watched ms congeniality!!! hahaha this roxx! tho the fortune things is how crap.. it just says stuff to make u happy.. heez..

had a pretty effective morning studying 3 subjects despite cappucino making me sleepy.. plus i didnt finish it thanks to ain..hehe .. lunch came and stoned all the way.. i need promos to start and end.. ah.. all the crap in my life.. be done with already!!.. cripes.. -green eyed monster staring at dee- *pouts*
aiyaiyai..

shud have given us study leave

complete waste of time! this week tt is..but spent alot of time on monday at gallery studying so wasnt too bad..

today.. i just felt off after malay.. mebbe i was freaking out.. or pmsing.. whatever it is .. i was just crabby.. think rubbed off some of it on ain.. sorry.. but got slightly better as the day ended early.. my bag was super heavy.. was dying on the way home.. just wanted to get home n sleep n buka n get on with studying.. i dun evne know if i shud be scared.. i dun even know if i shud bother abt worrying abt the results.. mebbe ill just do my best and hope for the best.. S papers will be too high an expectation.. i guess i shud just hope to AT LEAST pass everything.. esp bio its so irritating when a fun subject is completely spoilt by exams.. and my cannot apply-ness.. am supposed to finish studying econs today no matter how long it takes.. only at market systems now.. n waiting for parents to bring home snacks to munch on.. screw u fat girl.. ill work it off some day.. bleah was so crabby lumut didnt even make much of an impact anymore.. no one makes any impact anymore! losing grip... ahhhhhhhhhhh.. JC life shud go to hell.. rj chem shud just be merciful.. -motivate me!-

hmms.. good luck to u guys.. esp the hc peeps who are starting tomorrow!!

hopefully tomorrows binging/studying session is effective..

unfit

today was super slack.. didnt do much work.. wonder how much ill die for promos.. attended a relative's wedding... attemptd to mingle with relatives.. but im pretty bad at it.. im kinda wondering how ill be like in the future.. i mean id prob lose contact with all of them.. haiz. sad. wonder who will be the first to send ME a wedding invite.. really interesting..
deedee.. i hope u still remember the bet.. :D pretty sure ill win it.. heh..

usia remaja

hehe.. the theme song of ali setan its boring when u watched it like 5+++++ times.. kak liyana n i were practically predicting the lines tt were gonna come next... it was funny.. :) why cant they show ali setan 2 or 3???! i forgot the plot completely.. but im pretty sure they werent as funny as the first one..

oh yea today's word of the day is 'off' ayah was at home when i called him.. so i had to slave home.. somehow decided to go home by mrt considering the bus will be so freaking full id prob fall on someone.. so met kak liyana.. except i waited for her for like 20mins++ at jurong.. not including the time i missed 2 trains from BV cos i was too lazy to get up from my seat.. tt makes it twice in a row waiting at jurong.. how irritating! and started telling her abt how packed mmy hols were.. n how she freaked me out abt how far bloody jln ahmad ibrahim is.. -sigh- at the same time i have to like study for SATs.. n i dun even know where to pray at the freaking place.. mebbe i shud pull out.. but at home she let me try on her very many pants.. n think of outfits for work.. a perk of an older sis.. she has really good clothes sense.. not to mention plenty of disposable clothes.. :) but will go JP to buy more clothes after promos.. :D yea and the whole time everytime i saw sth tt wasnt quite right i just kept saying off.. the only other alternative word was like odd...

cripes my plan to lose weight today didnt work.. bloody hell with my weight.. i have no willpower.. :( sigh..

its odd how i wanted to drop him but its not working.. i mean its just a little joy to make me smile? amusements.. hehe.. eyecandy.. yumssss... have i mentioned the bag looks like a cicak!!!!! -faints- kak claims tt NTU cicaks are white.. @!!!

goosebumpy

lalalalallalalal.. screaming out yr frustration really works.. :D PLUS stoning.. was waving and screaming pple's names and just letting off steam.. after lets ssee.. maths lect.. vectors were making me angry.. so yea read thru atomic structure at mcs.. and attempted to solve some riddle there.. which was kinda hilarious..

plus i won snag golf.. actually i have a feelnig i didnt.. cos i must have not remembered my score properly.. whatever..there were only 4 pple who turned up for it anyway! :) at the end of the day.. was reading thru econs.. ice cream is a wonderful thing.. ! (except it doesnt make u full n when ure hungry n reading in the car.. u just feel like vomitting) n having visions of lumut n toot in like unbuttoned shirts while feeling like vomitting makes things a million times worst.. god feeling goosebumpy already.. thanks lots ain.. :P

btw novi is a complete beast!! i just dumped all my notes on my bed just now n went to feed my poor tummy.. i came back and got a shock.. my notes were like tattered.. !!!!!! with claw marks everywhere.. and it was even a bit damp from prob her saliva.!! i dunno how to scold a cat!! u dun beat a cat.. tts cruel! even tho i like abuse her in other ways like not wanting to put her down.. heh.. sigh.. n she is trying to act demurely now.. sleeping ON my jacket.. tt is on my notes.. tt is on my comforter.. on my bag.. wth!!!

heeeeeeez.. on another note.. i realise my schedule is completely packed..
1) study for promos
2) promos
3) chiong PW
4) open house preparations
5) pple's birthdays
6) malay exams
7) puasaing
8) training
9) waking up damn early to get to skl by mrt so tt ayah can sleep for an additional 1hr+ each day..
10) job shadowing at bloody tuas (jln ahmad ibrahim) for 3 weeks
11) need to find working clothes
12) hari raya preps
13) hari raya
14) hari raya outings
15) SATs

wowee.. ive never been this busy in my life.. -panics-
signing up for SATs is how weird!!!!!!

gulps..

ten

hoho.. pw now in skl.. with the record no. of ten pple in skl.. out of 24.. heez! it was 9 at first then jessie came to make it 10.. darn i wanted it to be single digit.. hmms.. very good later econs tut 7 pple only.. she shud just let us off but knowing her.. she will still let us off late.. grr.. i shall not be affected by her anymore..

oh yea the classes around us esp the one right behind us was laughing and pointing at us.. it was funny.. denise claims she feels like an animal being stared at.. oh yea n josh's pw grp is the best.. 3 pple turn up out of 4... me n jiahan came so tts 2 out of 5.. and ain's grp... a record of zero turned up.. happy childrens day guys! bleah!!!!!!!!!!

want to burn a new cd.. help me suggest some songs.. ~!!

mom actually thot i had no skl today.. only realised tt like in the car today.. damn i cud have stayed home without her knowing too.. cripes.. hmms nothing much to say..