ahhh i kept passing by CK today.. and so i decided to put dearest ljungberg on my blog.. look at tt physique! ahhhhh.. ok if anyone else says his gay im killing u.. too bad theres no reyes photos around.. lalala..

wahhh so tired.. just came home from prom dress shopping.. complete failure i must add.. the only got hope dress was this one from perfect in black.. i could wear it with or w/o my jeans but the price abit not in my range.. so sad.. and there was a purple version at some other shop but it was like even more x.. sigh! tt led me to the conclusion of just wearing the skirt i wore for rg prom and a different top since i found many pretty tops which i would normally not wear.. but still.. i wanted to wearjeans! maybe at the last minute ill just wear tt same top with jeans instead of skirt.. heehee.. but tt means ive gotta go shopping again.. im soooo tired! and i missed my samurai x and sg idol for shopping.. which ended up literally eating my money away... u know the translations for samurai x on axn are sooooooooo off tt even me.. a non-chinese.. no jap knowledge person can tell that the translation is wrong.. heh.. tts why the pain of me missing those episodes were less painful haha.. but of cos they replay it tom morning that is if i wake up..
im soooo happy.. having a lunch date with mayi n qr tom and then heading over to puipuis house for mahjong!!! wah havent played in almost a year i think.. surely rusty.. then sat got picnic at sentosa!! i can get a tan.. yay! of coz the weather isnt very helpful these days..
ay.. have i mentioned im tired..
heh

im becoming quite the slob.. ever since getting pissed over having everyone canceling on me, ive turned to the comp for some comfort and ive been watching endless episodes of sex and the city.. and the comforts of my bed.. it doesnt help tt im getting backaches.. so all i feel like doing is snuggling up in bed.. its prob too late to call amir for a badminton date tom.. looks like one more day of couch-potatoeing before i go shopping with gill n ouyang !! yippee.. its so cool tt us pw buddies are so close.. terrific!

oh besides the keyboard, i finally touched my piano after abandoning it for abt.. a year at least.. i still suck as ever and i still wish i could sightread an entire song.. oh shucks.. but i like the feeling of playing a tune i really like.. :) besides i think it does wonders to my brain.. instead of letting it rot all the time.. still.. i deserve some rotting time after prelims.. :)

it only dawned on me that im back to square one.. what i felt back then.. its like theres no possibility.. it doesnt feel too bad.. just an odd sense of existence.. no anxiety.. no care.. it just is..

sigh.. u know how you say you dont want to be like your parents.. im exactly like my mom.. especially when she's angry.. i tend not to care about other people's feelings just to make myself feel better.. ive done that alot.. ive hurt pple along the way some even my best friends and i do regret it.. i love or hate someone too easily too fast.. i judge peoples personalities like its black and white and almost in an instant.. and the words that spill become too sharp.. maybe the relationships ive made are still shallow.. im probably still shallow.. but you know what.. im still gonna hate some things about some people.. i guess its a matter of dealing with it or not.. im pretty sure this hazardous behaviour is gonna cause some bad consequences.. i should stop it.. but it just feels too damn good to let go of the emotions..

to those who have fallen victim.. im sorry..

i was bored of econs so i started flipping any book that was nearby.. and i stumbled upon my pri skl record book.. i was reading all the comments and stuff like on conduct and realising how ridiculously high an A* is.. well in my context now of course its ridiculous.. but wahliu.. i think i must have had an attitude problem or sth cos it sounded like they didnt really like me.. my p6 teacher called me unassuming.. whats tt supposed to mean? that on the cover i look dumb!? sorry.. over reacting.. n i was growing at a rate of 9cm and 5kg a year! right now its more like .0000000000000009cm and still 5kg a year.. ok fine exaggerating again.. still.. ah my youth.. haha.. and i did 1.6km in 8mins! and i was under the category of very fit.. look at me now.. stupid asthma and laziness has caused me to go to a very flab.. heh..oh wait in p1 i was overweight and my PE grade was a B.. what... just cos i carry baby fat i get a B?! tt reminds me i was flipping thru my kindergarten records and in K1 i had some prettty bad comments.. cant rem much all i know was tt it made me sound a little retarded.. how off.. that these teachers try to judge and comment on you ... and stuff like these and our testimonials and reccommendations are the things which can determine our future.. our uni entrance, jobs.. i mean truthfully do they even know who we truly are? sometimes people just dont open up to teachers.. so how are they supposed to comment? then its just unfair right.. what.. just for the sake of trying to get the best, you change how you behave? the answer is an obvious no.. well ive pretty much been anti-(teachersopinions) about students all along.. you know how sometimes they scold you and make you feel downright bad.. to me it just doesnt help.. a teacher is supposed to motivate and not to slam you down.. i get really peeved when they start all their insinuations and threats.. maybe itll work with some people.. but it wont work on me.. because at the end of it all.. whats the real motivation behind all the hard work? everyone needs to be working towards something higher to work at their best.. you know teachers like ms wong & mdm toh are whom i really love most.. they're frank, patient and treat you like a real person.. :)

ho hums.. im starting to get worried abt prelims.. yesss now of all times..
more of like worried abt the results.. sigh

i feel so screwed up.. i feel like i could reach for sth more but the process is so arduous and risky and if i fall short of what i really want, itll be an awful blow and id land somewhere i wouldnt want to be.. sigh.. i cant believe i messed up the timing for maths paper today.. ended up panicking sheesh.. and yest paper was more of a guessing game than anything else.. the results aint gonna be pretty but i guess ill survive.. ill survive no matter however wherever miserable i am. bleah..

ill surround myself with people who love me.. im just a mask to the rest..

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... im feeling all pissed off for some reason.. i hate biotech.... i hate everythingggg.. oh screwwwww everything..

feel like slamming sth into the wall.. i need to do tyres..

at least sylvester got in.. hes really funny and i love his cool rock ways.. however ahbeng he is.. and he can actually pull it off.. i bet they put beverly in to compensate for jerry taking up her rightful place.. it wasnt unexpected tt theyd take in another person actually.. i was doubting it cos of their schedule.. if theres supposed to be one show every week and i thought the finale date was already booked at the stadium or sth does it mean theres one week with 2 shows? heh..

just screw the whole world..

the first break of the week! goody..
spent the whole afternoon sleeping.. gd for the dark rings.. ironically ive been staying up to just destress awhile.. instead of studying.. oh wells.. i realise tt my slacking normally intensifies during mugging periods cos its a justified rest.. sort of.. haha.. ay.. 3 more topics of biotech to go.. must finish them before tom night.. sg idol.. hehe..

just chatted with jon chen abt uni choices.. i seem to have persuaded him into applying to SMU.. he finds it really off tt if we both get in then ill be his senior.. mwahahhaha.. hmm you know what.. even though our class seems so segregated i still love it as a whole.. and its nice tt most of us will be turning up for prom tog.. speaking of which ive been trying to think of dresses tt id like to wear.. hehe. how fun..! my mini retail therapy didnt go too well today.. the billabong berms tt i saw were like 60 bucks.. id never buy berms for more than 40 bucks! mebbe tts why i only own one.. haha.. i have this nice image of me n some frens going to ECP during our one week break and hang out.. n being girls cooped up in the house for very long.. get a tan.. :) im seriously getting more manjen by the day.. i shared the word with my dad and he thought it was terribly funny n says my mom's complexion is yellow.. its actually white.. haha.. its like if i put my hand beside hers.. its like -united colours of benetton- haha.. oh yea was blog surfing too.. im really annoyed by pple my age (whove been my sklmates) already in uni overseas n having a terrific life surrounded esp by cute guys ahhaa.. fine the word is jealous.. cos i on the otherhand slog thru biotech.. wheres the fairness mann.. oh wells..

my new fav song!! :) it makes u wanna move yr feet!

Nobody on the road
Nobody on the beach
I feel it in the air
The summer's out of reach
Empty lake, empty streets
The sun goes down alone
I'm drivin' by your house
Though I know you're not at home

But I can see you-
Your brown skin shinin' in the sun
You got your hair combed back and your sunglasses on, baby
And I can tell you my love for you will still be strong
After the boys of summer have gone

I never will forget those nights
I wonder if it was a dream
Remember how you made me crazy?
Remember how I made you scream
Now I don't understand what happened to our love
But babe, I'm gonna get you back
I'm gonna show you what I'm made of

I can see you-Your brown skin shinin' in the sun
I see you walkin' real slow and you're smilin' at everyone
I can tell you my love for you will still be strong
After the boys of summer have gone

Out on the road today, I saw a BLACK FLAG sticker on a Cadillac
A little voice Inside my head said, "Don't look back. You can never look back."
I thought I knew what love was
What did I know?
Those days are gone forever
I should just let them go but-

I can see you-Your brown skin shinin' in the sun
You got that top pulled down and that radio on, baby
And I can tell you my love for you will still be strong
After the boys of summer have gone
I can see you-Your brown skin shinin' in the sun
You got that hair slicked back and those Wayfarers on, baby
I can tell you my love for you will still be strong
After the boys of summer have gone

2nd day.. did 175 marks worth of questions.. bleahhh.. with like bio hanging over my head right now.. feeling unreceptive to information.. but all in all written papers are do-able..
and finally this dear junior of mine who smiles & acknowledges me (therefore making me think that she knows who i am) has finally found out my name! bravo.. not too late.. haha.. dish out the dirt on yr brothers k :)
i cant wait for my real september hols to start..!

back to rubiscos and erthrocytes.. zzzzzz

-yawns- i was supposed to wake up early n do work.. but no its 12 already and all i did was read mitosis..
bleah.. and im sleepy cos somebody had to wake me up at 830 to go for breakfast.. -yawns- but i havent had breakfast like that in a long time.. quite nice.. table conversation was a whole other matter.. heh.. then chatted with dee on the phone for like an hour.. and now im online.. cripes.. i think dee does more art than i study for prelims.. die.. haiz.. 2 more weeks.. 2 more weeks! :D

the thing with me is that once i find something i like i dont stop raving abt it or finding stuff abt it until its all exhausted out of me.. heh.. i just finished watching like the final episode of samurai x. the one where kenshee comes back to kaoru.. its pretty sad.. but i guess i prefer the light heartedness of the anime series.. its so silly that ill actually laugh out loud.. oh wells.. since im pretty much interested in what happens to kaoru n kenshee then looks like i should be about done with this obsession.. hehe.. the other guy grows up to be really manly in the show eheh.. and ive gotten used to the gay voice in the series.. haiz.. :) itll still be fun to watch the series everyday tho.. im such a couch potato..

oh i wasted today agian.. im pretty sure im gonna screw prelims pretty bad.. haiz
i cant believe i overslept again.. time is going by so quickly.. :( i only did like 3 sections of rj chem paper 3 this afternoon... and i had to like refer to the answers each tme.. i got really frustrated.. im sooo dead. from the looks of things.. chances of an F are the most likely thing.. so is for the other subjects.. sigh.. exams are so depressing

n looks like if i wanna get contacts they're gonna be pretty ex.. and the guy infront of my house pissed me off.. he has poor communication skills in terms of english anyway.. and stop insinuating things.. oooohh.. yea sure my astig is damn high u dont have to take that tone with me.. they pissed me right off i didnt hesitate to give them a black face.. hah.. u just lost yourself a customer bozo.. anyway their rates were so ridiculously high.. i went to my normal optician and his daughter was helping out and even though she mentioned similar stuff like the previous guy, she was nice about it.. looks like ill be making my contacts there..

i went shopping with my sis.. we walked for hours and even missed the swedish team.. *sobs* but we ended up buyin ridiculous things with only one necessity.. heh.. finally got my jeans thank god.. not like im gonna be wearing them anytime soon anyway.. i cant stand studying anymore.. :( i miss my sister.. i miss my big bro too.. haiz... some things are making me terribly upset.. sigh

oh..
this weekend rocks.. :)
spent slacking watching lots of tv and best of all talking to people i dearly miss.. tt includes you dee.. :) i have an abang! haha.. right.. i mean ive been pestering my mom for one all this while.. well of course its not realistic.. but i at least its something! hehe.. right and im going shopping laterz & getting contacts AND watching the swedish floorball team thrash the singapore team at woodlands stadium eheh.. how fun.. maybe i can find a ljungberg lookalike even! anyone care to join me?

3 more weeks and half of the torture will be over.. i dont care i dont care i dont careeeeeeeeeeeee.. blah.. im sick of having to study my butt off.. for what.. bleah.. all i want right now is to get into SMU and study in 6+++ different countries in those 4 years.. and get offered a job in some luxurious company.. or find a really cute guy in spain (while i have my study stint there of course) and settle down! woohoo.. talk about dreaming man.. i dont know why im so in love with spain.. but i just am! its the one place i have to visit.. i want to watch a football match there LIVE.. i want to see the amazing rich history, something different besides asian history.. to me spain is more romantic than paris.. for some weird reason.. ooh i can only wish.. like alot of things too...

oh yea im hooked on this jap anime series.. its called samurai X.. i think its quite popular.. but the hero in the show has a pretty gay voice.. and he wears pink.. when he is supposed to be a legendary slasher.. its quite funny.. hehee better than the other jap anime i used to watch.. but i loved that one cos of the stupid love story between the hero n the heroine except they kept pretending they didnt like each other.. but when they didnt that made it all worthwhile to watch.. :) heheh.. n there was a cute little piggy in the show too.. haha.. so spastic..

im sooooooo boreeeed.. now i understand why dee blogs so much during prelims.. im freaking bored of staring at bio prac.. squamous transitional pseudostratified.. mann.. enough is enough.. i just hope i can do the thing tomorrow.. but aiya by 1030 ill be relieved its over.. tomorrows friday.. meaning someone will be out :) yay funny how dee n me made small risk takings on the same day but im all for living life at the edge now! maybe not 100% at the edge but theres a larger % than before.. anyway congrats dee on the award! u know u deserve it..

singapore idol i realised is not that bad.. im rooting for leandra next week.. she rocks.. too bad cute malay guy this time was half murmuring half putting 's'es in the wrong places.. dont u all think that daphne looks and sounds ALOT like clara from ARTS? maybe she's a sister..

ooh zz put a pic of choc fondue from haagen daaz on his blog and its completely going to ruin my diet plan what with my HD voucher..! one day of indulgence .. who cares... then back to 'puasa'ing.. shall go be a vainpot and put timun slices on my puffy eyes now.. :) heehee.. it works!

i was bored as usual so i decided to do a search on my name.. plenty of fun fun fun ! haha
most of it were links to my old blog and photo album n links to dees, syas n ains pages.. but i think there are more hazwanis than ilis online.. haha.. but its terribly funny seeing the little adjectives surrounding my name.. like chio, top 10 students, etc.. haha.. fine they were not of me but its entertaining all the same.. ive always had this theory that all hazwanis were fat.. no offence to any other hazwanis out there i havent met.. but of all that i have met.. including little girls on the bus.. are fat! i was quite disturbed abt this trend.. ooh.. i weighed myself this morning! i think i lost .5kg at the least! 4.5kg to go! :) dont worry i dont intend to be anorexic just healthy.. meaning minus all extra fats that i normally consume..

oh back to funny events.. i reread ains blog entries.. they are freaking funny.. dates back to a simpler time.. when lumut was still the object of my affection.. when pantuns were 'in'..when we laughed uncontrollably w/o the worry of failling your prelims... yups.. and when latte was still the flavor of the time.. oh my.. ain should make it into a book.. i would buy it! haha.. oh yea i found out im linked to baba too..

feeling quite happy after that little reading session.. was listening to BBC news radio while i was radio channel surfing.. it was ironic.. arnold shwasewhateveruspellit was saying how america has become a safer place with president bush.. HAHAAHAHAH.. but right after the speech exerpt, some interviewee said that the world has definitely not become safer... sigh.. it doesnt help that kerry is the opposition.. i dont think either of the 2 can do a good job.. oh and theres this one photo of bush in TIME where he puts up his legs on the desk while he listens to these 3 pple talk during a meeting.. is he an immature teenager or what? his ego is like how big!?

sheesh stupid comp keeps disconnecting after 15mins.. now even less.. well maybe its a sign to stop blogging and mug.. bleahh.!!